Dream big, Darling.

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good 😏🎓 #graduationday...

Wed, 22 May 2013 02:26:34 -0700

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good 😏🎓 #graduationday #purplebeachball #deviants #causinghavoc #csunalumnis #topfivemoments #myfellowgraduates #CADVmajors #kidsatheart

This is as much my day as it is yours. This is for you two. With...

Wed, 22 May 2013 02:26:24 -0700

This is as much my day as it is yours. This is for you two. With all my heart, thank you for being my main constants in life. If I’m ever as ready as I can be for the real world.. It’s because of everything you’ve both taught me individually & together. I wouldn’t have wanted to make anyone more proud than the two who have always prayed, wished, and hoped the best for me every day we wake up. I love you guys ❤ #myparents #everybitdeserving #graduationday #finallywalkedthestage #swaguzman #wheretheswagcomesfrom #tooemotional #toosurreal

Unfiltered.

Mon, 20 May 2013 01:14:00 -0700

They ask me why I’ve invited/chosen to celebrate with so many?

Because I owe my successes to those who kept me strong and sure of myself. I owe my parents for keeping us out of loans and for putting up with the bullshit I fight about on a regular basis. I owe my family because no one can love you more than they do whether they are always present or not. I owe my friends because no one got me through my stresses, procrastinations, and caffeinated fixes as much as they did.

They ask me why I’m nervous?

I haven’t seen my life pace in such a short time span. I’m as excited as I am nervous because as school is (for now) over and done with, I need to finally face the music and jump into the real world. Head first. I want to be someone that I’m proud of. &If other’s expectations of me weren’t enough.. The only expectation I hope to come even remotely close to are my own. I’ve worked hard to make those close to me as proud as they can be but I’ve worked harder to prove myself wrong— I’m much more than whatever the “college freshmen” Julienne sought out to be.. In grades, in making close connections, & in aiming for unimagined dreams. I’m nervous now because now, as a graduate & an adult, I have twice as much to prove to myself when it comes to building a career life.

They ask me how meaningful it is to walk again?

It’s because there’s no other obvious way to realize you’ve gotten through yet another chapter in your life. I can’t wait to embrace and bid adieu to yet another memorable chapter for the books. My new “old” pictures to reminisce through will now be of my college days which to say has been more eventful than I would’ve expected. &High school photos will be the new “baby pictures” / “#tbt”. Walking again just gives me that unnatural butterflies-in-your-stomach kind of high because it’s my moment. It’s every graduate’s moment up there and it deserves to be recognized.

Surprises, surprises ❤❤❤ #congratulatorykickbacks #thanksmyloves...

Sat, 18 May 2013 13:09:24 -0700

Surprises, surprises ❤❤❤ #congratulatorykickbacks #thanksmyloves #thebestcompany #mains #wouldnthavemadeitwithoutyou

Officially one week from today.. 🎓🎉 #cap #tassel #sash...

Tue, 14 May 2013 12:52:43 -0700

Officially one week from today.. 🎓🎉 #cap #tassel #sash #sevendaysmore #todecorateornottodecorate#seeyouattheoviatt

jay-pz: reneordona: Justin Timberlake - Mirrors (Boyce Avenue...

Mon, 13 May 2013 02:47:25 -0700

jay-pz:

reneordona:

Justin Timberlake - Mirrors (Boyce Avenue feat. Fifth Harmony cover)

YES.

The vacancy set in my heart.

Forever a blank canvas. I just want to finally have something...

Mon, 13 May 2013 02:22:33 -0700

Forever a blank canvas. I just want to finally have something incredibly interesting to write in my blank canvas. I guess I’ll just have to stay tuned like everyone else for what’s to come.

10knotes: I remember Meg’s story very clearly. She was in love...

Mon, 13 May 2013 02:03:00 -0700

10knotes:

I remember Meg’s story very clearly. She was in love with a man before Hercules. When he died, she sold her soul to Hades just to bring the man back to life. Once he was alive again, he left Meg for another woman, even though she gave up her soul for him. Of course this would scar Meg, which was why she couldn’t trust men, especially with her heart. Disney used to be so deep and meaningful, what happened?

Photo

Sun, 12 May 2013 21:22:34 -0700

Happy Mother’s Day, mommy dearest! I love you much more...

Sun, 12 May 2013 14:59:45 -0700

Happy Mother’s Day, mommy dearest! I love you much more than I can ever tell you ❤ #loveyou #mommasday #theoldbabydays #poutyface #yourealwaysoneofmymostfavoritepeopleintheentireworld

&Here's to Traveling Through

Sat, 11 May 2013 23:35:00 -0700

My stream of consciousness has hit some massive traffic the past couple of weeks. My attention span has shot down to zip. My feelings are always riled up every time I wake up. I don’t know if I’ve come to never fully finish a thought or if everything has suddenly been set up on an endless loop. So, I’m planning to finally get some thoughts out so I can rest a bit easy tonight. Especially since its a Saturday and instead of drinking, dining, and rambling.. I’m in. In front of the laptop. Hoping to still regain any type of active writing there is on this Tumblr of mine.

So, thoughts. In no particular order.

Graduation is officially in 10 days. Time flies and I couldn’t be any happier to sound as cliche as I just did this moment. The cap, gown, tassel, and the CSUN 2013 sash. All set. I hope I don’t trip on my way to shake hands and what not. I can’t wait to celebrate with everyone that’s put up with every whine I’ve come up with the past 4.5 years. Celebratory drinks are always much better than having drinks spent on money I don’t even have. BUT, soon enough I will be spending money that I will actually have that doesn’t consist of asking “Mommy, please?” because I am proud to say I have finally scored some employment. Something worthy of categorizing myself as a post grad living in the real world. 5 months later and I feel like I got a good enough break and am beyond stoked for what is left to unravel for the rest of the year ahead. I’m gonna miss the free time though, I know it. I know I’m gonna start complaining and saying shit like, “I miss having time to hike once a week”, “I miss being able to go to Disneyland whenever my pass allowed me to”, “I miss just being at home and watching the TV schedule blocks for Friends and Grey’s”. I’m gonna just have to suck it up and appreciate the time I spend getting paid instead so then I could further appreciate the free time I get to spare. Speaking of free time, the past 5 months.. I don’t know if I spent it as wisely as I could’ve. Drinks have been sipped, Disneyland passes have been used, the couch has been lazed on, and friends have constantly been seen (more or less). I guess that’s all I really could’ve expected after finally being ridden of academic responsibilities right? So, maybe I’ve enjoyed more than I assumed I would. Now it’s all a matter of questioning if I’m ready to step into the working life. The life every post grad worries about but does their best to try attaining because Lord knows we’re always complained about job hunting. Job hunting is crap. It’s hard but somehow something clicks and you’ve finally made use of your efforts in the most productive way possible. That didn’t consist of eating every left over in the fridge or driving off to far places because time didn’t matter on the daily basis for the grads who just couldn’t figure out what they want to do in life yet. Actually I still don’t know what I want to do but let’s hope that by the end of this year I might have a better idea. Also, having a job will be a completely new thing I’ll be learning how to navigate this year.. &I was wondering if there might be a chance that being in a relationship might be another new thing I’ll have to also learn how to navigate but that might just be thinking way too ahead. Luckily, this post is only for me to read because I don’t feel like anyone else will actually reach this point, so safe to say that I do still worry about the time I get romantically attached to someone. I have yet to discover myself in that aspect and I would like to see how a “taken” Julienne plans to live life on a daily basis. Let’s hope she isn’t needy. Or careless about personal priorities because let’s face it.. I’ve had enough examples for my days to try learning from some insanely common mistakes right? Right. Anyway, that thought of being “romantically attached” is definitely thought of prematurely. For anyone who gets to this point, there are no leading prospects. It was just a curiosity that I never happened to have the courage to question out loud. Maybe there’s been way more thoughts that have gone unspoken than I imagined.. Good or bad will be my judgment because so far, I’m happy to say that I haven’t become a nervous breakdown yet. Yet there’s always still too many thoughts, needs, and reassurances that are still waiting to be met.

But typing this out, certainly has done the trick. My mind feels mildly empty. Empty enough that my eyes have now remembered what it feels like to be heavy with no force at all. I know I didn’t get everything out in this one post but for the most part I did get down to the nitty & gritty bits of some HUGE thoughts that have never seemed to leave my head even for a second.

Now, it seems like my enormous thoughts are finally willing to give me a break.

God it felt good to write again. &Always depend on myself to be my own audience.

Goodnight.

kitastr0phe: “That’s the best thing a girl can be in this...

Fri, 10 May 2013 17:26:44 -0700

kitastr0phe:

“That’s the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool.”

When you & I were forever wild.

Fri, 10 May 2013 17:12:20 -0700

When you & I were forever wild.

Carraway, Buchanan, Gatsby 🎥 #repost #thegreatgatsby...

Fri, 10 May 2013 00:41:10 -0700

Carraway, Buchanan, Gatsby 🎥 #repost #thegreatgatsby #shermanoaks #arclight #jCUBED #dapper

About ready to embrace the new & unknown. While finally giving my respects to the old & expected.

Tue, 07 May 2013 09:54:33 -0700

Remember I’ll always be true.

Mon, 06 May 2013 19:08:19 -0700

Remember I’ll always be true.

Taking over the world one tour at a time. #perfection

Mon, 06 May 2013 18:56:22 -0700

Taking over the world one tour at a time.

#perfection

The Opposite of Loneliness

Thu, 02 May 2013 18:05:27 -0700

The Opposite of Loneliness:

27 May 2012: The piece below was written by Marina Keegan ’12 for a special edition of the News distributed at the class of 2012′s commencement exercises last week. Keegan died in a car accident on Saturday. She was 22.

“We don’t have a word for the opposite of loneliness, but if we did, I could say that’s what I want in life. What I’m grateful and thankful to have found at Yale, and what I’m scared of losing when we wake up tomorrow and leave this place.

It’s not quite love and it’s not quite community; it’s just this feeling that there are people, an abundance of people, who are in this together. Who are on your team. When the check is paid and you stay at the table. When it’s four a.m. and no one goes to bed. That night with the guitar. That night we can’t remember. That time we did, we went, we saw, we laughed, we felt. The hats.

Yale is full of tiny circles we pull around ourselves. A cappella groups, sports teams, houses, societies, clubs. These tiny groups that make us feel loved and safe and part of something even on our loneliest nights when we stumble home to our computers — partner-less, tired, awake. We won’t have those next year. We won’t live on the same block as all our friends. We won’t have a bunch of group-texts.

This scares me. More than finding the right job or city or spouse – I’m scared of losing this web we’re in. This elusive, indefinable, opposite of loneliness. This feeling I feel right now.

But let us get one thing straight: the best years of our lives are not behind us. They’re part of us and they are set for repetition as we grow up and move to New York and away from New York and wish we did or didn’t live in New York. I plan on having parties when I’m 30. I plan on having fun when I’m old. Any notion of THE BEST years comes from clichéd “should haves…” “if I’d…” “wish I’d…”

Of course, there are things we wished we did: our readings, that boy across the hall. We’re our own hardest critics and it’s easy to let ourselves down. Sleeping too late. Procrastinating. Cutting corners. More than once I’ve looked back on my High School self and thought: how did I do that? How did I work so hard? Our private insecurities follow us and will always follow us.

But the thing is, we’re all like that. Nobody wakes up when they want to. Nobody did all of their reading (except maybe the crazy people who win the prizes…) We have these impossibly high standards and we’ll probably never live up to our perfect fantasies of our future selves. But I feel like that’s okay.

We’re so young. We’re so young. We’re twenty-two years old. We have so much time. There’s this sentiment I sometimes sense, creeping in our collective conscious as we lay alone after a party, or pack up our books when we give in and go out – that it is somehow too late. That others are somehow ahead. More accomplished, more specialized. More on the path to somehow saving the world, somehow creating or inventing or improving. That it’s too late now to BEGIN a beginning and we must settle for continuance, for commencement.

When we came to Yale, there was this sense of possibility. This immense and indefinable potential energy – and it’s easy to feel like that’s slipped away. We never had to choose and suddenly we’ve had to. Some of us have focused ourselves. Some of us know exactly what we want and are on the path to get it; already going to med school, working at the perfect NGO, doing research. To you I say both congratulations and you suck.

For most of us, however, we’re somewhat lost in this sea of liberal arts. Not quite sure what road we’re on and whether we should have taken it. If only I had majored in biology…if only I’d gotten involved in journalism as a freshman…if only I’d thought to apply for this or for that…

What we have to remember is that we can still do anything. We can change our minds. We can start over. Get a post-bac or try writing for the first time. The notion that it’s too late to do anything is comical. It’s hilarious. We’re graduating college. We’re so young. We can’t, we MUST not lose this sense of possibility because in the end, it’s all we have.

In the heart of a winter Friday night my freshman year, I was dazed and confused when I got a call from my friends to meet them at EST EST EST. Dazedly and confusedly, I began trudging to SSS, probably the point on campus farthest away. Remarkably, it wasn’t until I arrived at the door that I questioned how and why exactly my friends were partying in Yale’s administrative building. Of course, they weren’t. But it was cold and my ID somehow worked so I went inside SSS to pull out my phone. It was quiet, the old wood creaking and the snow barely visible outside the stained glass. And I sat down. And I looked up. At this giant room I was in. At this place where thousands of people had sat before me. And alone, at night, in the middle of a New Haven storm, I felt so remarkably, unbelievably safe.

We don’t have a word for the opposite of loneliness, but if we did, I’d say that’s how I feel at Yale. How I feel right now. Here. With all of you. In love, impressed, humbled, scared. And we don’t have to lose that.

We’re in this together, 2012. Let’s make something happen to this world.”

&Here's to GRADUATION being in 20 days

Wed, 01 May 2013 18:31:00 -0700

I’ve FINALLY picked up on getting that much closer to living in the real world. Two interviews this week. Training and testing for ABA. &Suddenly, the waiting that I thought would never end finally, thankfully, and almost will. Just a few more steps in the hiring process and by next week I hope to be choosing between two outstanding Autistic based companies as a Behavior Therapist. &While all of this is in motion, I will also finally find myself walking down the lawn of CSUN’s Oviatt Library as a CSUN graduate. Cap, gown, & all.

20 days.

Holy shit.

&May has just begun.

"She’s the kinda girl that will call you on your bullshit. She isn’t afraid to dance and..."

Sun, 14 Apr 2013 12:37:34 -0700

“She’s the kinda girl that will call you on your bullshit. She isn’t afraid to dance and she offers to pay. She doesn’t decide before a date whether or not she’s gonna kiss you; she’s not earnest, yet she’s not completely ironic either… She orders dessert and she can be ready in ten minutes.”

- Chase Hammond ; Drive Me Crazy